And who was prouder to be with the other...

the summer report

2008-09-15T02:01:00Z

the summer was way too long and I am glad to see it finally come to an end. when i try to think about all that happened, i am struck with the most confusing blend of emotions. it really was a strange time in my life, where i couldn't tell if i was the happiest i had ever been or the most confused and bored. i am glad i chose to live on my own, and i am glad i worked so much this summer, and i am glad i have seen more of the people i really care about (who i didn't get to spend time with during the year).

school has started, its boring and easy but thats my fault for not declaring my major sooner. hopefully next semester i will be excited about writing papers and using my brain, but for right now i could see my self failing all my classes because that is how much of a shit i really give about them. at least i am not in that fucking dorm anymore, and at least my overall perspective has brightened up. i can't believe i lived that long, so miserably. i guess it was for the best, because now i understand that it wasn't just my fault. i hate myself for being so upset about last year, but i have learned a lot about people and seen insanity in its truest forms

aside from that here is a list of things that have happened:
*i hit my friends car
*i bought a camera, that doesn't work
*i got a netflix account
*i lost friends to this mythical place called PORTLAND. apparently its just like Tucson but less incestuous
*the nutcase is fucking gone from bentleys, and jacque started working there, so work is basically amazing and i love all my coworkers. it couldn't be more of an ideal situation.
*i've spent hours making mixes.
*jacque and i discovered the original degrassi from the 80's and have devoted many nights to watching it and drinking boba tea
*im in a total chic music phase and have been listening to sooooooo much mika miko, beth ditto/gossip, cocorosie, santogold, SHANGRI-LAS, mama cass, kimya, marnie stern, erase errata and much much more

wow, after spending a few minutes trying to remember the events of this summer i realize it was really just a giant blur.

here is to the strangest summer ever!

jimmyexplodes @ 2008-08-13T12:07:00

2008-08-13T19:13:55Z

I am finally home, and for the first time in nearly 2 years, I feel like I have a home.

My body hates me right now, after a summer of booze, burritos and close to no bicycle time. School starting should fix all that because:
a) there will be no money or time for binge drinking on the regular
b) there will be no money for burritos every day
c) there will be no money for gas, & whats the point of driving anyways

so I guess you could say im pretty happy about school starting. scratch that, ECSTATIC!

I'll get back to you in a week and let you know if that outlook has changed.

on a side not, just signed up for netflix! finally Jacque and I can catch up on Degrassi high.

jimmyexplodes @ 2008-07-05T19:31:00

2008-07-06T02:31:40Z

ugh its hot. and im tired of quesodillas.

humming softly

2008-07-03T08:11:41Z

it never seems to start, but at the same time it never ends. My emotions are a fluster, but thats just me letting them get the best of me.

I become more confused by the people around me everyday. I feel like I pester them, but thats bullshit. whatever.

this summer has been filled with all the kids i love, but i can't shake off the persistent loneliness. Right now I am going to enjoy the daily lime spritzers I've been making, and spending a few hours a day reading in a house with pesky (but adorable) cats.

walking into a room with an awkward cloud above, where no one says hi to you SUCKS. do i ever make my friends feel like shit???

in a limbo.

2008-05-25T00:55:04Z

I want all of my stuff to be in one place

I want to be able to make quesadillas on my own stove

I want my bed

I want to be able to walk to work and ride my bike again

I want to finally relax, because it is summer and god dammit I deserve it

that sounds rather whiny, but I am actually quite content right now. I am watching flight of the conchords and cleaning the house with the help of No one, but what can you do? I am preparing myself for dinner with my poppa, and his usual "where is a degree in Art History gonna get you? You want to be scrapping for change your whole life??" ugh, last time he made me cry. I don't care,I know so many who live off nothing, and they are the happiest and most genuine people I know.

friday????

2008-05-10T04:12:49Z

the sub guy didn't mention my nervous energy today, so thats a plus.

i feel like shit, and am in serious need of a detox and a massage.

im watching tv and not getting anything done, im so glad i don't have one of these anymore.

tonight should be awkwardly fun. i have work tomorrow and still haven't gotten anything for my mom.

im ready to sleep for 3 months.

global vs local

2008-05-09T15:32:35Z

last night was the worst sleep I have ever had (if you can even call it that). when I was able to nod off, I had the strangest and most unsettling dream. Now I am sitting here (at my usual procrastination pit stop) feeling so tense and sore and finding it extremely difficult to keep my head up.

one more week.

aside from school things are great and i'm pretty happy, and actually thats not helping my studies. I am finding it very hard to balance the two.

hmmmm, where am i going to live????

IM SORRY

2008-05-06T04:04:07Z

im sorry i annoy you so much

i dont know when, why or how it happened, but im sorry.

im sorry you cant even look at me when i walk in the room

im sorry you wont talk to me anymore

im sorry you have to lie about your plans

im sorry for making you feel this way

it must be a huge inconvenience

im sorry

call me a coward.

2008-05-01T05:02:26Z

I feel like I am always on edge. not in a frantic, angry kinda way. but more so nerves.

I don't know why this is, I am not really panicking about anything. I mean I am stressed, but I am always stressed.

As I look at this screen it is shaking and i can barely type my hands are so jittery.

even the sandwich guy at Silver Mine knows there is something wrong. yesterday I went in to order my usual "miners choice" and he told me I needed to calm down, and lose some of my nervous energy. Confused by his bluntness, I told him I wasn't nervous. he simply replied that he knew I wasn't nervous but nervous energy is different, and according to him I was full of it. I was kind of annoyed by his remarks, but I realize he was right.

It seems like so much is going for me right now and there isn't much to worry about, but maybe its more then that. maybe there is some kind of void that needs to be filled. Who knows what that could be. but the more i think about it the more i feel like something is just missing right now.

Well i am covered head to toe in coffee from a disaster at work so its time for a shower and some good, nerve calming, sleep.

this place or just me????

2008-04-29T00:06:51Z

saturday was the happiest i have been in awhile. and sunday was "Super Fun Day" with tony and carl at the fair. Thay are probably two of my favorite people ever.

summer is so close i can taste it. its fucking hot, and yes i am whining, but you know deep down we all love it.

it getting kinda late to plan anything grandiose. I hope i am still able to make it to the east coast and get away from this for awhile.

i wish things weren't awkward, i don't do well in awkward situations. i have a feeling its about to get much much worse. oh well.

UPDATE: they totally did.

al jazeera, global warming and neanderthals.

2008-04-21T05:58:50Z

I have put these papers off for FAR too long.

I can't even believe some of the excuses I have come up with. granted it has been hard with being so sick and exhausted.

i really feel borrible.

I slept until 4 today and was ultimatly unproductive. I have set myself up for a week of ultimate hell.

this fucking city.

2008-04-17T07:12:24Z

I'm kinda back to life now. everyone is telling me I should not be doing anything. I am starting to believe them. I don't feel sick anymore and am able to go through with my normal routine, but I have been getting sooooo exhausted by the end of the day. what's horrible is that I have sooo much work to catch up on.

the outcome of this semester is looking pretty gloomy. It sucks to work so hard (and give so much money) and not feel confident what so ever.

the more i think about seeing Kanye the more excited I get. I am so glad to be going with Jacque, there is no one I would rather go with. we may be in the nose bleeds, but well still be getting freaky deaky.

I went to visit my mom and she had borrowed a bunch of cds from me to load onto her new laptop. She had the standards... Herb Alpert, the police, elton john, The monsoon wedding soundtrack & then... THE SPICE GIRLS. After interrogating her (she used to think I was crazy for saying I will love the spice girls forever just like she likes the beatles) she admitted that it made her think of me being young and that time in our lives, and I nearly lost it. I laughed, but couldn't help but think that things were so much easier when I was eight, and all that mattered was the spice girls, glow in the dark stickers and sunday nights when we would eat cereal and bagels for dinner and play board games for hours. So much has changed for us in the past year or so and I know she's lonely, and she knows that so am I. I know its hard for her to not have a home of her own, that we can spend time in together and she knows I am having a hard time being alone. Regardless of what we've been through for the past 2 years, I can't help but think that I still have what is most important to me, her. If I can become even half the woman she is I know I will do just fine.

we both needed a good scream at this point.

You're so sweet on the eye.

2008-04-14T02:29:04Z

The sound of life off this campus only sounds better and better as the time approaches.

the possibilities for this summer are endless I just hope I will be spending it with people I love! the possibility of a month with Ariel is so exciting considering I haven't seen that girl for more then a week at a time since about 2 years ago. She is exactly what I need right now. I'm pretty sure she needs a break too.

Last night was the first time I had been to the grill in nearly 2 months, which is so crazy to me. The show was stellar! I haven't felt that great in a loooooong time. Its too bad I couldn't stay longer and catch up with everyone.

Catching up with Erin was great. She knows how to bring me back on solid ground when I am thinking crazy and not making sense. When I think I am going insane and that no one really cares about anything she's the perfect reminder of that being completely untrue. I know she values friendship just as much as I do.

I spent the day with my mom. We went to the Pheonix museum of art for the French show. David, Degas, Monet, Delacroix, Matisse, etc... simply breathtaking. probably the most active I have been since I have been feeling better, and I am whipped out. Which is unfortunate because I have so much work that needs to done. As much as I need and love the freedom of being on my own, I miss my mom.

This "line" down the middle of this room is horribly frustrating. I want to ravage whats in sight and throw it all away. how is that fair?

according to my dorm mates my new name is "mono-manda"

2008-04-09T06:05:16Z

After a week of suffering I now know that I have come down with MONO! I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy...

Friday, I went with Karl and Tony to The University's museum of art to see the Goya exhibit. Which is FUCKING amazing! (I need to go back when I feel better) As much fun as that was, I was so exhausted. I had been up early studying for and taking my Bio exam and then we decided to walk everywhere. They are so much fun and I love them so much so it was worth while. Around 5 I crashed for 2 hours, waking up at 7, when I told Erin I would meet her. I ended up getting there around 7:30, I don't know how I even managed get out of bed. Anyways, Her and Becca made the most amazing smelling cookies, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach one. We went to Duane and Jaxun's gallery opening, and then I bailed to bed. It was at this point that I realized this could be more then "bad allergies."

The next night, I went to Jo's to take a hot bath (the dorm's showers pail in comparison) when she convinced me I really needed to go to urgent care (AKA hell on earth). She dropped me off to my mom and we waited to be seen. I laid in that grungy lounge with a sanitary mask on watching old Harry Potter, while people come in and out, some who obviously deserve to be seen before me. We finally get taken into the ER and I am given a bed in the HALLWAY! it was horrible. I was clad in a hospital gown that left LITTLE to the imagination and I was sweating tremendously because my fever was finally breaking. After a swab down my throat and a blood sample, and several hours the lab results were in, I HAD MONO. Because it is a virus there is NO treatment it just needs to heal on its own. The ER doctor gave me some vicodin for the pain and my physician gave me some steroids to help the swelling (both equally horrifying).

with all that said, here I am, bedridden for the next week. I can't tell you how many DVD's I have gone through. My desk has turned into a mini pharmacy with an assortment of herbal teas, cough drops, saltines, vapor rub and vitamins galore. On a positive note, I was able to eat a meal for the first time in DAYS. well see how that works out.

I don't expect anyone to read this, this is merely an attempt to free myself from The Office and Sex and the City.

when i say im in love, you best believe im in love. L-U-V!

2008-04-02T05:04:12Z

the past few days have been just what I needed. much much MUCH uninterrupted time to myself. sure awhile of that was spent in bed (unable to do much else), but time to recollect and attend to nobody else's problems or dilemmas was just what the doctor ordered. My lungs are still aggravated and sleep is still a bit restless but I am feeling better (turns out this hell is really just my allergies going CRAZY).

I got Friday covered so it is in the clear for Karl's birthday (museum hopping with him and tony), the street fair (!!!) and duane's opening. So glad Erin agreed to go with me, hopefully we can make a night out of that, it has been awhile since we've done anything. And I am so excited for her and Becca and their CUTE CUTE house!!! I am so utterly jealous.

Well I am back to eating mint milano's and drinking gallons of rooibos tea.

but before i do, I share this classic with you...

sicky sicky

2008-03-31T05:46:13Z

the past 48 hours have been HELL. I am so sick. Sleep has been distressing, but I can barely find the energy to move out of bed. Hopefully Ill be able to get an appointment tomorrow.

aside from untimely sickness, friday night was pretty great. I love getting to see and spend time with Jacque and Sarah. Those girls always know how to cheer me up. They are always there for a laugh, a ridiculous dance party and a shoulder to cry on. Its very reassuring to have some one listen to you and care about whats going on, and it is great to be able to give that back to them. I need to see them more often.

after hours of sleep, miss saigon soup, gallons of tea and my favorite movie...Singing in the rain, I feel a bit better and certainly more rested.

longest day of my life...

2008-03-27T08:05:28Z

the pounds of coffee i've indulged in are slowly starting to wear off. this is what I deserve for being a lazy slob, sitting aroung watching hours of Sex and the City and eating bags of dried snap peas. This hell was not worth any of that.

I am tired of writing papers on "perception and attentiveness to visual figures" or "the decent of the neanderthal." I want to be writing about Modigliani, Caravaqgio, and Francis Bacon! I want to study their strokes, know everything about their adulterous and murderous ways, and indulge in their insanity. If i have to write one more paper on global warming I will rip my hair out.

I'll bet you five you're not alive if you don't know his name.

2008-03-26T19:44:38Z

this is my momma's favorite movie, and over the years it is slowly starting to become mine...

ps. my mom loves the white stripes now that I played her "The Union Forever"

hot hot tucson...

2008-03-26T03:23:24Z

I can't figure this out... I need someone to give me a little tutorial.

anyways, spring break is over and now I am in complete shock. It wasn't until yesterday morning in the shower that I realized just how bad I had fucked myself over by not working on a single thing over the carefree week I had. After a few days of working, catching up with old friends, staying up 'til dawn, making some regretable mistakes, and waking up with the worst headaches, I am back to school. I know it will be ok, it always is, but I am a little scared about the midterm I BOMBED.

aside from school and work, things have been alright I suppose. Can't stand living on this campus surrounded by these idiots. It certainly gives me something to look forward to this summer. I suppose whats hardest is realizing that people aren't who I thought they were. This is life I suppose, but that does not make matters any easier. Hints have been given, and this time I am not ignoring them. Time to move on.

jimmyexplodes @ 2008-03-19T21:49:00

2008-03-20T04:52:14Z

erin, ill give it a try.

jimmyexplodes @ 2004-11-16T18:15:00

2004-11-17T01:22:42Z

1.copy and post in your LJ
2.bold anythinig that is true
3.leave plain anything that is un true
4.add something

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I watch more tv than I used to.
03. I love olives.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I own a lot of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.I should, but i don't.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. [depending on who you ask. i'm just gonna go with yes.]
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been told I have a nice butt.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone else's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I love rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free.
26. I need money right now. [i always need money.]
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.I always lose money.
32. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs.
35. I have a twin.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
40. I know how to do cornrows.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
45. I have cheated on significant other.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my LJ.
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger....
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex esp. when they are really good looking.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol before.
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy country music.When I need a pick me up now and then.
89. I love my best friends.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving
101. Had a crush on somebody you've never met.
102. I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.Ain't that the truth.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math!!It's not so much that I dislike it but that I'm not good at it.When I get it I love it.
105. I'm procrastinating something right now.

106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in 'lust' more than in 'love.'
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "Lost"
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up
112. I'm obsessed with stars.
113. I think that Gerard Way is one of the sexiest people alive.
114. I think Atreyu is one of the best bands out there right now.
115. I've gotten away with something major, though it should've been obvious.
116. I'm on or have been on probation.
117. I'm currently working on a story
118. I know and love the band Placebo
119. I voted for or wanted to vote for John Kerry in the last election.
120. I want to start a band, but know i suck too much.
120. I've thrown water or some liquid substance in someones face.

jimmyexplodes @ 2004-10-12T18:15:00

2004-10-13T01:22:09Z

well, its been a very long time.

I got used to not being on the comp. it was kidna nice.

Michael moore was fantastic. Something i will never forget.

Yes im driving, no i will take you to and from school, unless you want to pay. Its pretty cool being able to drive.
Or.... its Preeeatahh Niiiice.

Nothing has happened at all really, other then that im the only single loveless person on the planet.
"One day my prince will come"
But how long will i have to wait? Jesus!

anyways, the hip jerks new single is the only thing keeping me goin right now.

jimmyexplodes @ 2004-09-29T21:40:00

2004-09-30T04:42:09Z

oh my god,
oh my god!!!!!!1

there is a VERY good chance that i, yes i, am going to see the pixies and the thrills.

i think i just wet myself

Im back

2004-09-30T04:12:07Z

Yeah thats right, my computer is finally fixed!!!!1

im driving, its the best thing ever. Wes hates me because i can before he can, sucker.

jimmyexplodes @ 2004-09-16T21:34:00

2004-09-17T03:36:27Z

ok im so scared right now..
holy shit.

usually dejavu is cool, but not when it has lasted for about 5 minutes.

omg. its so scary.

I was typing my homework, and itliterally lasted for five minutes.

My head has never hurt so much, its so scary!

oh god, im like shaking, its weird.